Category: Uncategorized (Page 6 of 10)

On the same day that a smell press agreed to publish my first novel and two more in the series, I had to put down my dog. Both I’d nurtured for months, with time and care and money. But while my story found viable roots, my puppy did not. Instead of the designer dog food and overpriced chew toys we bought him, he ate a shoe and a box and a towel that refused to pass through his small intestine. After surgery and days of home care, the vet said he that his digestive tract had failed to mend itself.

So on a day when I should be celebrating, I find myself mourning the passing of my beloved saucy doggy.

A friend and fellow writer learned of his first book deal while his wife was dying of cancer. He describes the same feelings of guilt and shame that I feel now. Not that losing a dog can compare to a lifetime companion, but I think I understand now how he felt.

If it’s true that every time God closes a door he opens a window, then why do they have to be at the same time?

I just finished Peter Carey’s historical fiction book True History of the Kelly Gang, and am now prepared to declare him the best writer of bad prose ever. In the novel, he channels the voice of Australia’s most famous outlaw, New Kelly, who shot three policemen, then hid from the law for months, robbed banks, and became a folk hero. The text is full of run ons and ungrammatical constructions, but in this pigeon English the author finds a poetry that few educated people can achieve.

He pulled off a similar feat in another book, Theft: A Love Story, where one narrator is an idiot savant of human behavior. Books like this make me want to quit writing, knowing that I’ll never achieve anything half so impressive.

Anyone who likes literary or crime fiction should check out this Australian, who won the Booker Prize for Kelly.

P.S. That’s Ned, not Peter, pictured to the left.

Today I got an email from Evolved Publishing. The rewrite of my novel, to eliminate all the state of being verbs, paid off, and they are interested in signing me. As usual, my joy is mixed with fear. Although I tried to research them online before and after the email, most of what I found was self-promotion. Also I read a couple skeptical entries about their business model.

Now my own thoughts are filled with doubt: is this another illusory come on or have I finally found a home?

After four weeks of removing was and were, I believe that I have done my penance. Tp comply with the wishes of an editor from a small press, I cut the SOB (state of being) verbs from over 900 to fewer than 300 (leaving about one per page, a reasonable rate, I think). I believe I have discovered not only every use for and SOB (passive voice, past progressive tense, linking verb, helping verb etc) but all the ways around them.

And what did I learn? At times I tended to write too indirectly (such as there, where I could instead write “I write indirectly”); at times I regressed into passive rather than active constructions; at times I could used was and were instead of more dynamic verbs (felt, saw, hated).

But I also have to ask, is it really so much better to write “He felt angry” than “He was angry.”

What is the binding agent that makes a character cohere? No matter how much I write, how many books I study, how many conferences I attend, I have never been able to figure it out. Last night, I was reading Olive Kitteridge, a group of short stories that recently won the Pulitzer Prize. In one story (Security), all the elements came together so that the title character ceased to be an amalgam of traits invented by the author and instead became a real person with depth and dimension. In the very next tale, the disparate parts failed to stick, and like my wife’s last Jello mold, wavered in the dish squishy and unappetizing. If anyone has a recipe, a magic ingredient, a corn starch secret that will start that chemical reaction, I’d like to hear it.

Only days after I’d submitted my novel to him, an editor at a small press wrote back to say that he’d like to read more after I deleted all the SOB (state of being) verbs. To prove his point, he highlighted every one in my manuscript (52 in the first 5 pages)!

Now i know we all should strive to be lifelong learners and that editing is always humbling, but I have to admit I was embarrassed. Not only was I unaware of this bad habit, it’s something I’ve been warned against more times than I can remember. Even years later, I can still hear one of my MFA professors telling us to “juice up our verbs.”

Which left me with three questions:

1. How many SOBs is too many? Can I use them to show present progressive tense? Is one per page allowed?
2.How often do I need to hear something before it sinks in? As an educator, I know the standard reply is “at least five.” But I must be going on 500 repetitions with this lesson. Not only do I now have to revise my novel, I have to search all my other stories for was, were etc., In one work in progress I found 44 uses in 11 pages. Aargh!
3.WIll I ever graduate from being an apprentice to a master?
(Looking back, there are 10 in this short passage)

As I tell my students, before you begin a test, read the directions. Same goes for authors.

Two days after I submitted to them, a small press wrote to say they were moving my manuscript to the top of the slush pile because it fit their niche and because I had followed their formatting guidelines. If only I’d known that is what it takes to get noticed, I would have asked every girl in my junior high for operating instructions.

After avoiding it all summer, I finally started submitting my novel to small presses again. The serial rejection (from 50 agents and 10 small publishers) left me so discouraged I was ready to junk the manuscript. Then I reminded myself that many famous and successful books met with a similar reception. One of my MFA profs averaged a 99% rejection rate at the start of her career. Another novelist I know didn’t find an agent until his fifth (I’m only on my fourth). So perhaps I’ll be the next John Grisham or Agatha Christie.

In honor of my trip to Scotland, I took three weeks off from writing. It’s the first time in years that I’ve missed more than a day consecutively, and it felt odd, like I was neglecting my dog. I’m hoping that now I’m back I’ll feel more inspired than before. (An acceptance letter or two wouldn’t hurt either.)

In response to my agent queries, I’m averaging one rejection per day. This is going to test my resolve. If only I could concentrate on being a writer and leave the marketing to someone else. Wait, isn’t that what an agent is suppose to do?